One more thing I forgot to mention, that I should have mentioned below (read below first).
Sunday night I went to a service at Littleton - about 40 folks, singing, prayer, and a dvd series about recovery based upon the beatitudes....
No big deal: I had even taught the same similar lesson at least a few times over the past decade....
but I felt like I was, for the first time in perhaps YEARS - being MINISTERED TO, in church(!) It felt so great - I have even been contemplating on "Blessed are the Poor in Spirit" every since. Granted, its only Tuesday morning, but this is a really great feeling.
It's my turn to 'cease striving', I guess, and know who God is. I've spent all this time preparing and trying (oftentimes unsuccessfully) to minister to others - and I daresay, I enjoyed it, especially the teaching and preaching part -
but dang it's nice to sit and allow myself to be 'ministered unto' -
19 January, 2010
About 8, 9 weeks now...
I have now made it 2 months as a "Non-vocational-minister". I have also now made it 2 months without a job, although my on-again-off-again training and Fire tests and whatnot are keeping me on the right path.
I am amazed (literally, no cliches) at how much spiritual freedom Christians have - I am starting to feel this freedom - metaphorically, 'decompression' has begun - and I absolutely love it. I can study whatever I want, I can think on whatever I want, I can even believe whatever I want. I have figured out that my spiritual life is defined by one rule, and one rule only (see the scriptures below).
I feel free, for perhaps the first time in my memory. In college I spent too much time being disatisfied with faith - In grad school and 10 years of ministry I sought to be an effective minister, perhaps feeding my faith by working alongside the faith of others. I had no idea it would leave me so delpeated.
I could never truly be "myself" as a minister - my own true beliefs where (and are) often much wider than what I was trained and hired to teach. Perhaps my need for job security made me keep a lid on the jar, so to speak. Imagine studying, praying, teaching - all the things that came from all those thousands of hours of contemplation, analysis, what-have-you - and then only being able to express part of what I believed was being revealed to me.
Other folks can be 'themselves' and be great vocational ministers - good for them; they were born for that role and need to serve as they are called. I was not. I believe I was called, and I also believe after 10 years I was called 'out.' I wish I could have done a better job, I wish I could have been more successful, (and believe me, that still stings) - but it was not my road.
I guess God gave me exactly what I needed. I am not always appreciative of that fact - but that is part of living the faith, I guess. God really hacks me off sometimes. Jacob was not the only one to 'wrestle' with Him, that's for sure.
But to end where I began - I am getting to expereince the joy that comes from true 'freedom' of faith, and I hope no one that I know (or the two people that read this) ever takes that for granted. In Christ you are only bound by Christ and his one command. You are not bound by your church, your denomination, your tradition, your family, your friends, your 'expectations', others' 'expectations', even your own or someone else's 'interpretations.'
YOU forge YOUR own path in regards to Matthew 7.12-14 and Mark 12.28-34. Pray the Psalms daily (just a suggestion), study the Gospels and listen for what the Spirit says to you and yours. And whatever you do, don't let YOUR new-found freedom give you an excuse to be lazy!
Forge on!
I am amazed (literally, no cliches) at how much spiritual freedom Christians have - I am starting to feel this freedom - metaphorically, 'decompression' has begun - and I absolutely love it. I can study whatever I want, I can think on whatever I want, I can even believe whatever I want. I have figured out that my spiritual life is defined by one rule, and one rule only (see the scriptures below).
I feel free, for perhaps the first time in my memory. In college I spent too much time being disatisfied with faith - In grad school and 10 years of ministry I sought to be an effective minister, perhaps feeding my faith by working alongside the faith of others. I had no idea it would leave me so delpeated.
I could never truly be "myself" as a minister - my own true beliefs where (and are) often much wider than what I was trained and hired to teach. Perhaps my need for job security made me keep a lid on the jar, so to speak. Imagine studying, praying, teaching - all the things that came from all those thousands of hours of contemplation, analysis, what-have-you - and then only being able to express part of what I believed was being revealed to me.
Other folks can be 'themselves' and be great vocational ministers - good for them; they were born for that role and need to serve as they are called. I was not. I believe I was called, and I also believe after 10 years I was called 'out.' I wish I could have done a better job, I wish I could have been more successful, (and believe me, that still stings) - but it was not my road.
I guess God gave me exactly what I needed. I am not always appreciative of that fact - but that is part of living the faith, I guess. God really hacks me off sometimes. Jacob was not the only one to 'wrestle' with Him, that's for sure.
But to end where I began - I am getting to expereince the joy that comes from true 'freedom' of faith, and I hope no one that I know (or the two people that read this) ever takes that for granted. In Christ you are only bound by Christ and his one command. You are not bound by your church, your denomination, your tradition, your family, your friends, your 'expectations', others' 'expectations', even your own or someone else's 'interpretations.'
YOU forge YOUR own path in regards to Matthew 7.12-14 and Mark 12.28-34. Pray the Psalms daily (just a suggestion), study the Gospels and listen for what the Spirit says to you and yours. And whatever you do, don't let YOUR new-found freedom give you an excuse to be lazy!
Forge on!
04 November, 2009
3 Sunday's Left....
3 Sundays left, about 2-1/2 weeks of being called a 'minister' and getting a paycheck for my troubles...
I have been so busy with EMT stuff, preparing sermons, 'deliberately' stepping back with Young Adult Ministry activities, clinicals, etc. that I haven't had time to think about it much, which is perhaps good. One of my worst traits has always been thinking things over too much, instead of just 'doing' and going with my gut. Getting the basement finished a few weeks ago in the new house was a victory of sorts, as was getting 'moved in' to our new place.
Took my Firefighter Recruit test on Monday, along with a hospital clinical - wondering how much these things really matter in the whole process of convincing a local dept. to hire a 35 year old fart like myself. Think I did ok.
I was originally planning to post reflections on this blog in regards to my thoughts of stepping down from a ministry post, after nearly a decade of being in the vocation. I quickly scrapped that idea, it seemed too narcissistic and smug. There are many reasons, some good, some a tad on the negative side, etc. No reason to open the closet here. Folks that have been curious have asked me, and I have told them.
I can say this; for me being in education, ministry, teaching, preaching, etc., being a 'knowledge-worker', had become soul-crushing. I need to do a little work with my hands, I need to be moving more, I need to see something truly tangible at the end of the day to feel good about what I am doing. That's just me, and I understand everyone is different. And I'm certainly not 'super-mechanically-inclined', either. I just need to be moving, working, and not just in my mind in front of mountains of books and a computer screen.
Yet after 10 years of trying really hard to be a really good minister, I found that I was denying who I really was, and the time had finally come when I didn't even know who "I" really was, except of course "Christ in Me," a la Galatians 2.20. Other than that, I didn't even know what or who I was really like, I had suppressed it for so long.
I hate how cliche that sounds, but I am glad I finally began to see that I was not, never was, cut out to do this sort of thing as a career, mostly for reasons listed above.
Enough already! Too much "Ego Tripping" musing about my current state, which is soon to be jobless.
Pray for my upcoming tests at the end of my EMT course, and that I can get on as a volunteer at a local Fire Dept. as I continue the process....up next, after EMT-Basic Certification, comes ECG and IV certification 'short' courses, then hopefully some ambulance experience, then hopefully paramedic school next summer.....Pray that I can 'miraculously' get hired and a Fire Dept. would put me through Paramedic school, along with Fire Academy....an old dude can always dream, eh?
Peace
Mark
I have been so busy with EMT stuff, preparing sermons, 'deliberately' stepping back with Young Adult Ministry activities, clinicals, etc. that I haven't had time to think about it much, which is perhaps good. One of my worst traits has always been thinking things over too much, instead of just 'doing' and going with my gut. Getting the basement finished a few weeks ago in the new house was a victory of sorts, as was getting 'moved in' to our new place.
Took my Firefighter Recruit test on Monday, along with a hospital clinical - wondering how much these things really matter in the whole process of convincing a local dept. to hire a 35 year old fart like myself. Think I did ok.
I was originally planning to post reflections on this blog in regards to my thoughts of stepping down from a ministry post, after nearly a decade of being in the vocation. I quickly scrapped that idea, it seemed too narcissistic and smug. There are many reasons, some good, some a tad on the negative side, etc. No reason to open the closet here. Folks that have been curious have asked me, and I have told them.
I can say this; for me being in education, ministry, teaching, preaching, etc., being a 'knowledge-worker', had become soul-crushing. I need to do a little work with my hands, I need to be moving more, I need to see something truly tangible at the end of the day to feel good about what I am doing. That's just me, and I understand everyone is different. And I'm certainly not 'super-mechanically-inclined', either. I just need to be moving, working, and not just in my mind in front of mountains of books and a computer screen.
Yet after 10 years of trying really hard to be a really good minister, I found that I was denying who I really was, and the time had finally come when I didn't even know who "I" really was, except of course "Christ in Me," a la Galatians 2.20. Other than that, I didn't even know what or who I was really like, I had suppressed it for so long.
I hate how cliche that sounds, but I am glad I finally began to see that I was not, never was, cut out to do this sort of thing as a career, mostly for reasons listed above.
Enough already! Too much "Ego Tripping" musing about my current state, which is soon to be jobless.
Pray for my upcoming tests at the end of my EMT course, and that I can get on as a volunteer at a local Fire Dept. as I continue the process....up next, after EMT-Basic Certification, comes ECG and IV certification 'short' courses, then hopefully some ambulance experience, then hopefully paramedic school next summer.....Pray that I can 'miraculously' get hired and a Fire Dept. would put me through Paramedic school, along with Fire Academy....an old dude can always dream, eh?
Peace
Mark
24 August, 2009
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changeeeessss (Turn, And Face the Strain...)
Here is a copy of the letter I loosely read to the congregation yesterday morning. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but it went well considering. Now everyone knows, and I am happy about that. I am excited about the future more than anything. Keep us in your prayers, lots going on with the 'Colorado Wylies' these days.
To the Body of Christ at University Church;
This morning I have an announcement for the congregation, concerning my future, which is never an easy one to give…
A few weeks ago I tendered my resignation as Young Adult Minister to the Elders of this Body. They have accepted my resignation and have agreed to the date of Sunday, November 22 as my last day on staff at University, roughly 3 months from today.
This decision to step down has not been an easy one; it has required much prayer and discussion with Susan. Through the Spirit’s guidance we are convinced that the time has come for me to leave vocational ministry, and unfortunately this means leaving the current team of ministers, Elders, and staff members here at University, all of whom are friends that I love and respect.
As to why I have come to this decision, I would like to share with you the following:
First, I can say that this decision has not come based upon my displeasure with the current staff, Elders, YAM, or this church. I love this family and it has been an honor to serve at this church. I am not resigning because I am upset or unhappy.
Second, I am not leaving University to be a preacher or minister at another congregation. After nearly 6 years at University and nearly 10 years spent in vocational ministry, I believe the Spirit has shown me that it is now time to step down. As a Christian, I will always minister to others—just not as a paid member of a ministry staff.
I am resigning because, frankly, I have become very spiritually tired—very spiritually burnt out. I have been praying since early March that God would show me what I needed to do; over the last few months it has been revealed to me that my ‘trying so hard to be a good minister’ was getting in the way of my ‘seeking first the kingdom of God.’
Thus, after much prayer and thought, I have decided to act discerningly and out of faith, to be true to who God made me, and resign my post while I still felt positive about my work and my church family.
I want to thank the University Body very much for your patience, acceptance, encouragement and love over the past 5-1/2 years. Since arriving here in January 2004 I have indeed been transformed by the Spirit and for this I am joyful. I do not regret for one second my time spent here. I am especially indebted to my friend and mentor Jerry Selby, whose guidance, patience and encouragement have been invaluable. And of course I thank my wife Susan for her undying patience, love and support since the very beginning.
I want to specifically thank those Young Adults who, over the years, have helped me, worked with me, listened to me, prayed for me, encouraged me; to those Young Adults that accepted me as your minister despite my shortcomings—to those Young Adults that treated me as an actual friend, to those that accepted and loved me for who I was and what I was trying to do—to those Young Adults, you know who you are—and I thank you and love you very much, and I always will. You are indeed family to me.
I want everyone here to know—especially the young adults—that I have always tried my absolute hardest to serve you and serve God to the best of my ability. Believe me, I am certainly more aware than anyone my shortcomings as a minister: And yet if anything I stand here today as a testament to the fact that God can use us for his good will and purpose despite any of our faults or shortcomings. I have given my best effort, and I believe that God has somehow used me towards his ultimate purpose. For that, I have no regret, only joy.
And just so you’ll know, it is Susan and I’s plan to raise our family here in the Denver area, and Lord willing are going to be moving into a new house in the coming month. I am not necessarily sure as to what the future holds, but I can assure you that I am already well on my way to preparing for a new career, and would ask for your prayers as I transition into a new field over the coming year.
Again, I thank you. Susan and I love you, and we always will. It has been an honor to serve.
Mark Wylie
To the Body of Christ at University Church;
This morning I have an announcement for the congregation, concerning my future, which is never an easy one to give…
A few weeks ago I tendered my resignation as Young Adult Minister to the Elders of this Body. They have accepted my resignation and have agreed to the date of Sunday, November 22 as my last day on staff at University, roughly 3 months from today.
This decision to step down has not been an easy one; it has required much prayer and discussion with Susan. Through the Spirit’s guidance we are convinced that the time has come for me to leave vocational ministry, and unfortunately this means leaving the current team of ministers, Elders, and staff members here at University, all of whom are friends that I love and respect.
As to why I have come to this decision, I would like to share with you the following:
First, I can say that this decision has not come based upon my displeasure with the current staff, Elders, YAM, or this church. I love this family and it has been an honor to serve at this church. I am not resigning because I am upset or unhappy.
Second, I am not leaving University to be a preacher or minister at another congregation. After nearly 6 years at University and nearly 10 years spent in vocational ministry, I believe the Spirit has shown me that it is now time to step down. As a Christian, I will always minister to others—just not as a paid member of a ministry staff.
I am resigning because, frankly, I have become very spiritually tired—very spiritually burnt out. I have been praying since early March that God would show me what I needed to do; over the last few months it has been revealed to me that my ‘trying so hard to be a good minister’ was getting in the way of my ‘seeking first the kingdom of God.’
Thus, after much prayer and thought, I have decided to act discerningly and out of faith, to be true to who God made me, and resign my post while I still felt positive about my work and my church family.
I want to thank the University Body very much for your patience, acceptance, encouragement and love over the past 5-1/2 years. Since arriving here in January 2004 I have indeed been transformed by the Spirit and for this I am joyful. I do not regret for one second my time spent here. I am especially indebted to my friend and mentor Jerry Selby, whose guidance, patience and encouragement have been invaluable. And of course I thank my wife Susan for her undying patience, love and support since the very beginning.
I want to specifically thank those Young Adults who, over the years, have helped me, worked with me, listened to me, prayed for me, encouraged me; to those Young Adults that accepted me as your minister despite my shortcomings—to those Young Adults that treated me as an actual friend, to those that accepted and loved me for who I was and what I was trying to do—to those Young Adults, you know who you are—and I thank you and love you very much, and I always will. You are indeed family to me.
I want everyone here to know—especially the young adults—that I have always tried my absolute hardest to serve you and serve God to the best of my ability. Believe me, I am certainly more aware than anyone my shortcomings as a minister: And yet if anything I stand here today as a testament to the fact that God can use us for his good will and purpose despite any of our faults or shortcomings. I have given my best effort, and I believe that God has somehow used me towards his ultimate purpose. For that, I have no regret, only joy.
And just so you’ll know, it is Susan and I’s plan to raise our family here in the Denver area, and Lord willing are going to be moving into a new house in the coming month. I am not necessarily sure as to what the future holds, but I can assure you that I am already well on my way to preparing for a new career, and would ask for your prayers as I transition into a new field over the coming year.
Again, I thank you. Susan and I love you, and we always will. It has been an honor to serve.
Mark Wylie
07 July, 2009
Still haven't purchased calipers, but...
Well, nearly a month later and I still haven't purchased 'fat' calipers, but I still mean to!
But all has not been a loss; currently I have started attempting to work out every day (Mon-Fri) at 6am - I have done pretty good, have missed a few days, but overall it is slowly becoming a habit....I know because nearly two weeks in, and it is really 'painful'!!! A few more weeks and I won't be able to do otherwise!
This in addition to my kickboxing classes.
Waking up at 5:25 isn't that hard; it's the first five minutes in the gym that cause misery, my body asking me each morning, "Hey! What's Going On! Was it Something I said?!?!?"
So first V8, now trying to make early morning workouts a regular habit. I do not share this to brag - if you saw how pathetic my workout attempts are at this point, you'd know I certainly wasn't one to boast. I only share because, if anyone I know reads this, they can encourage me to stick with it - I am lazy and need all the encouragement I can get!
I'd also ask for prayers with the book - I can't believe how quickly a week goes by and so little gets written! I guess I'm getting in the habit of 'writing daily' as well.
I have been presenting some of the material in our Sunday morning bible classes, to different adult classes, and the responses have been incredibly positive. I guess my church is my 'test market'. As I read a few sections of what I have written, I am slowly gaining confidence. I am definitely going to write this book, regardless of if it finds a publisher...It sounds cheesy, but it is the book the Spirit is directing me to write, and it's therapeutic and 'educational' in a way to work on it.
Keep Praying!
Mark
But all has not been a loss; currently I have started attempting to work out every day (Mon-Fri) at 6am - I have done pretty good, have missed a few days, but overall it is slowly becoming a habit....I know because nearly two weeks in, and it is really 'painful'!!! A few more weeks and I won't be able to do otherwise!
This in addition to my kickboxing classes.
Waking up at 5:25 isn't that hard; it's the first five minutes in the gym that cause misery, my body asking me each morning, "Hey! What's Going On! Was it Something I said?!?!?"
So first V8, now trying to make early morning workouts a regular habit. I do not share this to brag - if you saw how pathetic my workout attempts are at this point, you'd know I certainly wasn't one to boast. I only share because, if anyone I know reads this, they can encourage me to stick with it - I am lazy and need all the encouragement I can get!
I'd also ask for prayers with the book - I can't believe how quickly a week goes by and so little gets written! I guess I'm getting in the habit of 'writing daily' as well.
I have been presenting some of the material in our Sunday morning bible classes, to different adult classes, and the responses have been incredibly positive. I guess my church is my 'test market'. As I read a few sections of what I have written, I am slowly gaining confidence. I am definitely going to write this book, regardless of if it finds a publisher...It sounds cheesy, but it is the book the Spirit is directing me to write, and it's therapeutic and 'educational' in a way to work on it.
Keep Praying!
Mark
04 June, 2009
Living (Eternally)
We have only one life to live, but we have all the time in the universe.
We have only one life to live, but that life does not end at death - it doesn't end anywhere, we are here for good(!) What a comforting and sobering thought!
'Cease Striving and Know/ That I Am God' -
Here's the question; If we take seriously the fact that our context is eternity, that our one life to live goes on forever, that these years on this earth are important, sure, but not nearly as important as we pretend they are - How do we live, and live eternally? What does (Eternal) Life look like? Have I not already begun my Eternal Life?
But I have this one life to live, I have to make the most of it, Carpe Deim(!) Yes, the life that we can see playing out on earth is only a nano-second compared to the first few breaths we take in the house of the Lord.
So why so much stress? Put in proper, eternal perspective, are half the things I worry about really worth the worry?
So the things I desire, the things I long for, the honor, the praise, the glory, the esteem, the respect, the legacy - what's it matter once I've walked through God's door and I'm on the other side, where real living begins?
So what does it matter (honestly, logically, easy though hard to train my mind to live in such a way) if I am big or small, important or spare, remembered or forgotten, published or rejected, famous or a nobody, successful or failed, sought-after-speaker or sad-lonely blogger?
God, I ask that you create a new mind in me, a new heart that allows itself to be transformed; let me see how things truly are, and not soon forget - give me proper perspective and allow me to feel your peace and joy regardless of where you lead me...Forgive me for wanting to be so important, so big, etc. It was for good intentions that I grew such ugly ambitions.
So what does matter? How do we live Eternal Life Now?
29 May, 2009
An On-line article
I just saw today that they put an article I wrote nearly a year ago on www.campuscrosswalk.org. It will probably be at the top of the scroll for a few weeks.
I had to re-read it because, honestly, I had forgotten what it said! It says pretty much the same stuff I always tend to say these days, which isn't particularly a bad thing, I suppose.
Speaking of which, if you haven't seen already, check out www.wineskins.org, for an article I submitted back in March, "Confessions of a Christian Narcissist." You have to scroll down pretty far, but hang in there; I assume it will be up for a few more weeks until it fades completely into obscurity!
Hope all is well with everyone, anyone who actually sees this obscure blog!
Mark Wylie
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