About 8, 9 weeks now...

I have now made it 2 months as a "Non-vocational-minister". I have also now made it 2 months without a job, although my on-again-off-again training and Fire tests and whatnot are keeping me on the right path.

I am amazed (literally, no cliches) at how much spiritual freedom Christians have - I am starting to feel this freedom - metaphorically, 'decompression' has begun - and I absolutely love it. I can study whatever I want, I can think on whatever I want, I can even believe whatever I want. I have figured out that my spiritual life is defined by one rule, and one rule only (see the scriptures below).

I feel free, for perhaps the first time in my memory. In college I spent too much time being disatisfied with faith - In grad school and 10 years of ministry I sought to be an effective minister, perhaps feeding my faith by working alongside the faith of others. I had no idea it would leave me so delpeated.

I could never truly be "myself" as a minister - my own true beliefs where (and are) often much wider than what I was trained and hired to teach. Perhaps my need for job security made me keep a lid on the jar, so to speak. Imagine studying, praying, teaching - all the things that came from all those thousands of hours of contemplation, analysis, what-have-you - and then only being able to express part of what I believed was being revealed to me.

Other folks can be 'themselves' and be great vocational ministers - good for them; they were born for that role and need to serve as they are called. I was not. I believe I was called, and I also believe after 10 years I was called 'out.' I wish I could have done a better job, I wish I could have been more successful, (and believe me, that still stings) - but it was not my road.

I guess God gave me exactly what I needed. I am not always appreciative of that fact - but that is part of living the faith, I guess. God really hacks me off sometimes. Jacob was not the only one to 'wrestle' with Him, that's for sure.

But to end where I began - I am getting to expereince the joy that comes from true 'freedom' of faith, and I hope no one that I know (or the two people that read this) ever takes that for granted. In Christ you are only bound by Christ and his one command. You are not bound by your church, your denomination, your tradition, your family, your friends, your 'expectations', others' 'expectations', even your own or someone else's 'interpretations.'

YOU forge YOUR own path in regards to Matthew 7.12-14 and Mark 12.28-34. Pray the Psalms daily (just a suggestion), study the Gospels and listen for what the Spirit says to you and yours. And whatever you do, don't let YOUR new-found freedom give you an excuse to be lazy!

Forge on!